Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Big 4 0

I woke up today to the big event I've been dreading for the past year. Yes, for the past year I have been a walking & talking cliche. For the first time in my life I researched diets, and anti-aging secrets. I had spent most of my life working hard not to be objectified and the irony of my complete and utter panic that I would no longer be desired did not escape me. I had gazed longingly at the cute outfits in the juniors section as I grudgingly walked past it to the misses section. I felt the first pangs ever of envy for all the young hot poets accomplishing more than I ever will, more than I ever even aspired to accomplish. I envied their youth, and imagined their lives to be carefree, without mire, and with a strong support system, -- Dear young hot unnamed poets, my apologies for my ugly pangs of envy, you deserve every one of your hard won accolades, I celebrate you! Good on ya! -- it was wrong, it was a little gross, OK a lot gross, and I'm happy to report that it all ended yesterday. I came through another developmental stage intact. Please someone tell me I am finished with developmental stages -- lie to me! I woke up this morning to the sky still up, the birds singing, the sun shining, the hills were alive with the sound of music, People. And I knew then, what everyone else always knows, that this is the middle of my life, I have many, many blessing to be thankful for, and that I still have the rest of my life to make something of myself.

Hey, did you hear that? It's me embracing middle age*.





(with a nod to reb livingston for coining this excellent phrase)

9 comments:

Michael said...

Suzanne-

Happy birthday! I was 40 once. I vaguely recall.

Stuart Greenhouse said...

Happy birthday Suzanne! Time goes too fast for 40 to mean much of anything. As far as life goes, it's just the part of a blink where your eye is stating to open. Enjoy your day.

Matthew Thorburn said...

Happy birthday, Suzanne! Great post and great attitutde.

P.S. See you soon at the NY Botanical Garden!

Suzanne said...

Thank you! xo

Jeannine said...

Happy 40th, Suzanne!

Suzanne said...

Thanks! xo

水憲妤慧 said...

Poverty tries friends.......................................................

Tricia said...

It wouldn't let me comment yesterday, so...Boorthday, Suzanne!

Suzanne said...

Thanks, Tricia! xo