Friday, November 12, 2004

Today's Mail

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans! , but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomin! ation than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are t here "degrees" of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread(cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.


"out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing
there is a field. I'll meet you there."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet


ryan james wilson said...

I'm visiting from Paul Guest's blog. I have to say it's bizarre how much this last post sounds like my day-to-day comments to my students. By some horrid cosmic joke, I've ended up at a Southern Baptist high school, teaching juniors and seniors who believe Bush is some sort of infallible papal figure. And of course, during the election process, politics entered the literary forum of my class. Every one of my students pulled the Leviticus card, until I reminded them that, in Leviticus, the law being given is Mosaic law, which also offers that children who disobey their parents should be put to death. It seems a bit strange that "Christians," such as Bush, choose not to remember that Christ was supposed to free us from the stringency of Mosaic law. Also, I remember something about that Christ chap saying "Turn the other cheek," which sounds to me quite different from "blow up anyone who gets in your way." There should be more satire of this caliber. Best, Ryan

Suzanne said...

I offered to wash the sender's feet with my hair. (wink)

Thanks for posting your thoughts here. I've been ruminating the same points. On a positive spin your teaching post may be a good thing--there's nothing like a little prespective...