File Under -- Mail from Relatives

For Lovers of Words (Lexophiles)

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

6 . A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

7 . If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

8 . With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9 . Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

10 . When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11 . The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

12 . A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown-apart.

13 . You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14 . Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

15 . He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16 . Every calendar's days are numbered.

17 . A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

18 . A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

19 . He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20 . A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21 . The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

22 . Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24 . Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

25 . When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
26 . Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27 . Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28 . Acupuncture is a jab well done.

29 . Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.